Self, Ego, and the Sink: A Lesson in Motive

This morning began with a quiet but familiar struggle. I found myself caught between wanting to be kind and wanting to be right.

A friend of mine was disturbed after witnessing me pour urine down the kitchen sink and rinse it out with hot water. I admit, it was not ideal. Yes, it may have left behind bacteria. But I cleaned the sink to my own standards. What surprised me more than his reaction, though, was what it stirred up in me.

He responded from a place of fear. I wanted to ease that fear—but also, I wanted to defend myself.

I told myself I was trying to help, maybe even teach. After all, I have more years of experience and formal education in microbiology. But deep inside, I had to ask:

Was I trying to ease his anxiety, or justify myself? Was I acting in love—or ego?

Ego in Disguise

Recovery has taught me that the ego rarely shows up wearing horns and a red cape. Most days, it looks like logic, compassion, or even service. But under the surface, it's still the same force that wants to be in control, to win the debate, or to subtly assert moral superiority.

“Selfishness—self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.” — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 62

I realized I was sliding into self-justification, self-righteousness, and self-importance—all classic traits of a mind run by pride.

The Power of Inventory

Taking the time to write this out became its own act of healing.

Putting words to my motives helped me see that the problem wasn’t my friend’s fear—it was my need to be right.

“We searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure... Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations.” — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 64

These moments remind me how often I slip into the pattern of:

“Let me fix your fear.”

“Let me correct your thinking.”

“Let me prove I’m not wrong.”

These sound noble on the surface, but beneath them lies the spiritual disease of pride.

Scriptural Anchoring

As I wrestled with these thoughts, I was reminded of this scripture:

“The natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam... unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man.” — Mosiah 3:19, Book of Mormon

The natural man—the ego—wants to correct, control, and justify.

But the saint chooses to yield, to listen, and to love.

Moving Forward with Grace

I can’t change my friend’s feelings. I can’t remove his fear. But I can take responsibility for my own motives.

“Love and tolerance of others is our code.” — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 84

This awkward interaction became a teacher. The lesson?

It’s not always about who’s right. It’s about how we love.

Final Note to Self

Today reminded me of the value of the spot-check inventory—those quiet moments when we ask: 

What’s really going on here?  

Am I acting from fear or faith? 

Is this love, or is this ego?

By reflecting and writing, I’ve already begun to shift.

And that’s all recovery asks of me: to become a little more honest, a little more awake, and a little more free.

“If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through.” — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 83

Tags: #Ego #SpiritualGrowth #12StepRecovery #Inventory #Humility #SelfJustification #EmotionalSobriety #AAWisdom #FaithInAction #SpotCheckInventory