Handling Difficult People: A Journey of Faith, Recovery, and Self-Respect

Dear Friends, 

Yesterday, at two separate AA meetings, I heard honest and heartfelt shares on a question many of us wrestle with: “How do we handle difficult people?” For some, these words came as a cry for help. Others spoke with weariness and experience. In all of it, I was reminded how hard it is, as Children of God, to see ourselves as works in progress—still becoming—rather than beings stuck in a downward spiral. 

Today, I’m searching for enlightened action—something that brings clarity to this very real struggle: how do we handle difficult people with grace, boundaries, and peace? 

 

🌱 Wisdom from a Modern Source 

In my reflection, I came across a few simple yet powerful insights from TinyBuddha.com’s “Simple Wisdom for Complex Lives.” The post was titled Lessons I've Learned, and here are a few points that stood out: 

• People will accept lies that affirm what they want to hear rather than believe painful truths. They aren't bad, just human. 

• You are under NO obligation, ever, to work things out with a person you know to be harmful. Walking away isn’t just your right—it’s your responsibility to yourself. 

• When in doubt about how to handle a difficult or toxic person, ask yourself what advice you’d give your child or your best friend—and follow that. 

These aren’t just catchy affirmations—they are tools. The most powerful lesson here is this: we possess within us the wisdom to discern truth, the authority to disengage, and the courage to act from our own intuition and conscience. 

 

📖 From the Language of Recovery 

AA Wisdom: 

“We ceased fighting anything or anyone—even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned.” 
— Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 84 

“Resentment is the ‘number one’ offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else.” 
— AA Big Book, p. 64 

Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA): 

“I am learning to love myself, to stand up for myself when I need to, and to let go of trying to fix others.” 
— CoDA Literature 

“Recovery means I can walk away from toxicity without needing to justify, defend, or explain.” 
— CoDA Fellowship Wisdom 

 

🧠 Philosophy, Theology, and the Human Spirit 

“Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.” 
— The Talmud 

“You cannot control the behavior of others, but you can choose how you respond.” 
— Epictetus 

“The first duty of love is to listen.” 
— Paul Tillich 

 

📜 Biblical Wisdom 

“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” 
— Romans 12:18 (KJV) 

“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” 
— Proverbs 15:1 (KJV) 

 

📘 From Latter-day Saint Scripture 

“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” 
— James 1:19 (quoted in LDS teachings) 

“That which doth not edify is not of God, and is darkness. That which is of God is light...” 
— Doctrine and Covenants 50:23–24 

“Pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you.” 
— 3 Nephi 12:44, Book of Mormon 

 

✨ Closing Reflections 

In the end, handling difficult people is not about changing them—it’s about transforming our own posture. Through the lens of recovery, faith, and philosophy, we are reminded that we are not powerless. We have the right to protect our peace, the strength to set boundaries, and the spiritual discernment to choose love—not in sentiment, but in truth. 

Sometimes love is patience. Sometimes it’s distance. Always, it begins with clarity—and ends with self-respect.