Life on Life's Terms

Dear Reader,

This has been a day of gathering, listening, and learning.

Today, I made three telephone calls.

One was to a woman in need of recovery.

The second was to friends celebrating their wedding anniversary.

The third was to a member of my family.

Each represented a capsule of my life.

To the woman in need of recovery, I became a listener, a consoler, and a fellow traveler on the road to healing.

To my friends celebrating, I was able to listen and enjoy the excitement of their plans for the day, as well as the happiness they were experiencing with family members visiting from out of state.

To my family member, I brought understanding, compassion, and a listening ear for each trial he was experiencing.

As I set down the telephone after the final conversation, I found myself smiling. Three different people. Three different circumstances. Yet all of us were doing the same thing—living life on life's terms.

What interests me is the diversity of each conversation and how, with each one, I could relate, comprehend, and become a small part of another person's journey through life's events.

You might ask, "What does this have to do with 'Life on Life's Terms'?"

I believe it is one of those deceptively simple statements that becomes deeper the longer we live.

I first heard the phrase, "Life on life's terms," in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. Yet, it reaches far beyond Alcoholics Anonymous. At twenty, it can sound pessimistic or even like surrender. At eighty-three, it can begin to sound like wisdom.

It acknowledges several truths at once:

• We do not control most of what happens to us.

• We do control how we respond.

• Acceptance is not the same as approval.

• Peace often arrives when resistance ends.

• Growth frequently comes disguised as inconvenience, loss, or disappointment.

There is an interesting tension in the phrase. On one hand, it asks us to accept reality. On the other, it does not ask us to become passive.

"Life on life's terms" does not mean, "I give up."

Rather, it says:

"I will stop arguing with reality and begin cooperating with it."

Perhaps this is why it resonates so deeply in recovery. Alcoholics spend years trying to negotiate with reality:

• "This shouldn't have happened."

• "People should treat me differently."

• "If only I had..."

• "Tomorrow will be different if I can just control one more thing."

Then, one day, we discover that life never signed our contract.

I have experienced loss, recovery, love, service, illness, faith, and new beginnings throughout my life.

"Life on life's terms" is not simply a slogan. It is lived experience.

Simply put:

"Life on life's terms" is acceptance.

"One day at a time" is endurance.

"Thy will be done" is faith.

Together, they form a kind of spiritual progression.

The older I become, the more I understand that wisdom is simply learning to hold life's joys and sorrows with an open hand.

We celebrate when life brings us a sunrise, a great-grandchild's birthday, or a meaningful conversation.

We also grieve when it brings us illness, separation, or the empty chair at the table.

Most importantly, we must understand that life keeps moving.

This is the hidden promise within the phrase: if we stop insisting that life conform to our expectations, we may discover that it still has gifts left to offer us.

So, when you say today's agenda is "life on life's terms," my response would be this:

Today's agenda includes acceptance, gratitude, surprise, and perhaps a lesson not yet revealed.

As the Big Book reminds us:

"We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us."

My experience has taught me that life is not something to conquer. It is something to participate in.

And today, as with every day, life will have the first word.

What remains is deciding what my answer will be.

Amen.

🙏🏻🧘‍♂️💕🤗☮️