"How Can I Be Drowning If I’m Still in the Boat?"

 

Dear friends,

This past week—and even today—I’ve felt like I was drowning. I’ve been sick, overwhelmed with tasks, and watching the clock run faster than I can move. When that happens, I start to panic. My thoughts tangle, my body reacts, and I either shut down or fall physically ill.

But I forget.

I forget the message of Christ, told not just once but three times in the Gospels. In one account, a great storm threatens to sink the disciples’ boat while Jesus sleeps. In fear, they wake Him—and He arises, rebukes the wind, and says: "Peace, be still." And there was a great calm (Mark 4:39).

How quickly I forget that kind of peace is still possible today.

John’s Gospel gives us a different image. The disciples were again in a storm, rowing hard against the wind, when they saw Jesus walking on the water. He came to them and said, “It is I; be not afraid” (John 6:20). And the moment He entered the boat, the sea was calm.

So I have to ask myself:
Am I really drowning?
Or am I still in the boat—panicked, afraid, and simply unwilling to receive the peace that’s already present?

Maybe I’m not drowning at all. Maybe I’ve just forgotten who’s in the boat with me.

Even after years of sobriety, even with a solid foundation of faith, I still fall into the old trap of self and fear. But as the AA Big Book reminds us:

“We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.” (p. 85)

It is not a one-time fix—it’s a daily choice to trust the process, to invite God in. Faith isn’t just a feeling; as Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf said,

“It is a choice to trust God even when the road ahead seems uncertain.”

And that choice begins when I stop trying to control the storm and start listening to the One who says,

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)

In my best moments, I remember that truth. In my worst, I can only whisper it and hope it carries me through. But the truth remains:
The storm may rage around us—but if Christ is in the boat, we will not drown.