Seeking Emotional Stability

 

Dear Reader,

It is my thought that everyone seeks love and support from other people or something. For example, a newborn reaches out to mother or father to feel protected and supported. The young and old find this emotional stability in people, animals, and in some cases the trees of the forest. This cry for connection is instinctive in all humans and can be found in the vast number of living creatures.

I believe that this need can be found in every one of us, and with the alcoholic or addict this need is massively out of proportion to our other needs. As we sink into our need for the next drink, we demonstrate this by associations with more abusive or demanding companionships. It can be said that if the drink does not kill, the continuing affronts to our soul’s will.

The question is: how does one gain EMOTIONAL STABILITY?

Bill Wilson writes in Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p.116:

“When we developed still more, we discovered the best possible source of emotional stability to be God Himself. We found that dependence upon His perfect justice, forgiveness, and love was healthy, and that it would work where nothing else would. If we really depended upon God, we couldn’t very well play God to our fellows nor would we feel the urge wholly to rely on human protection and care.”

The wisdom of AA confirms:

“When I let go of what I think I need and allow God to give me what I truly need, I gain emotional stability.” (AA Daily Reflections)

In my experience, the more I depended on people for my emotional needs and security, the more I failed to be fulfilled or feel secure. The reality is when we have expectations of controlling people, places, and things, we fail at maintaining any emotional foundation. As Jesus warned in Matthew 7:27:

“And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.”

But we are not without hope. Stability is possible. Marcus Aurelius reminds us that:

“You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” (Meditations, 8.47)

And Thomas Merton adds:

“We are not at peace with others because we are not at peace with ourselves, and we are not at peace with ourselves because we are not at peace with God.”

Scripture affirms this path:

“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6–7)

This is the peace that God offers us when we turn from people-pleasing and self-centered expectations to His sustaining love. As Elder Jeffrey R. Holland taught:

“Faith in God means trusting not only in His wisdom but also in His love. It is by this faith we find peace in the storms of life.”

And C.S. Lewis reminds us why this is so:

“God cannot give us peace and happiness apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.” (Mere Christianity)

It would be misleading to say I can accomplish this perfectly. It is by a daily reprieve and working the principles of a 12-step program that I arrive at the understanding that only a loving God can supply me with inner peace and emotional stability.