Dear Reader,
This morning, while reading 1 Peter 3, I found myself thinking carefully about Peter’s counsel to husbands and wives.
Some scriptures seem immediately relevant to our lives. Others invite us to pause and ask:
What is the eternal principle, and what reflects the customs of another time?
I grew up in what many today would describe as a traditional home.
My father worked in his business, while my mother stayed home to raise my brother and me.
During the day, our home was largely my mother’s domain. She made decisions, kept things moving, cared for us, disciplined and encouraged us, and managed the countless responsibilities of family life.
When my father came home, however, the atmosphere shifted.
He was regarded as the head of the household, and my mother cared for him in a way that showed he held a distinct place in our family.
Looking back, I realize that both of my parents were very capable people.
My mother could have worked outside the home if circumstances had required it.
My father could have cared for children, cooked a meal, managed a household, or handled the duties my mother normally performed.
They may have done these things differently, but both were capable. Both accepted responsibilities in keeping with the customs and expectations of their time.
• • •
Today, much of that world has changed.
In many homes, both spouses work. I personally know fathers who change diapers, prepare meals, straighten up around the home, and do household laundry.
Many mothers manage businesses, earn incomes, make major financial decisions, and carry responsibilities that previous generations may have considered primarily a husband’s role.
This can make Peter’s words difficult for a modern reader:
If I stop there, I might conclude that Christianity requires me to recreate the household structure of centuries past.
Fortunately, Peter does not stop there. A few verses later he turns to husbands and writes:
Heirs together.
I believe those two words change the way we should read the entire passage.
Peter lived in a culture very different from ours. Marriage, property, family authority, and the legal standing of women were not what they are today. Yet underneath the social structure of Peter’s world is an eternal gospel principle.
Their responsibilities may sometimes be different, but their value before God is not.
We should also be careful not to measure the value of family responsibilities merely by the income they produce.
Without financial support a household cannot function, but neither can it function for long without the countless domestic, emotional, and nurturing responsibilities that sustain the people within it.
Both are necessary, regardless of which spouse performs them.
My mother’s staying home does not mean she is incapable of doing what my father did.
My father’s working outside the home does not mean he is incapable of nurturing children.
They can have divided the labor. The division is real. As a couple, their abilities are greater than their assigned roles.
In my own experience, the joining of shared responsibilities has become increasingly important to me.
The gospel does not give us a detailed household organization chart telling us who must earn the paycheck, who must prepare dinner, who must balance the checkbook, or who must comfort a frightened child at two o’clock in the morning.
What the gospel gives us are principles for the spiritual family: love, sacrifice, responsibility, fidelity, gentleness, service, humility, compassion, forgiveness, and commitment to God.
The modern world may change the outward arrangement of a home, but it cannot change the spiritual needs of the people living inside it.
• Children still need security.
• Spouses still need respect.
• Families still require sacrifice.
• People still need to know that they are loved.
Every marriage can still face the temptation of allowing pride, control, resentment, or selfishness to replace companionship.
I once thought of my childhood home as a place where my mother ruled during the day and my father ruled when he came home.
Today I wonder whether there is a better word than rule.
Perhaps a Christian marriage is not ultimately about either person ruling.
It is about serving.
Christ did not demonstrate leadership by demanding privilege. He demonstrated it by serving, sacrificing, teaching, forgiving, and ultimately giving Himself for others.
A husband demonstrates this by loving, protecting, listening, sacrificing, forgiving, serving and seeking God.
A wife demonstrates it by bringing her gifts fully into the marriage while also loving, serving, sacrificing, forgiving, and seeking God.
There will certainly be differences. One spouse may understand finances better. The other may understand the children better.
One may be more patient. The other may be more decisive.
One career may take priority for a season. Years later, circumstances may reverse.
The person who once provided most of the income may eventually need to be cared for by the one who once stayed home.
Life has a way of rearranging our roles.
Roles may change. Circumstances may change. Abilities may change.
But the covenant remains.
The cornerstone of a covenant marriage is the promises a husband and wife make to one another and to God.
As a final clarification, Peter continues in verse 8:
“Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:” —1 Peter 3:8
Those words may provide the clearest picture of what a Christian household should look like.
• Yes to compassion, courtesy, understanding, and love.
• And ultimately, unity before God.
My childhood home belonged to another generation.
There were good things within it that I would never want to lose: commitment, responsibility, sacrifice, family loyalty, and the willingness of two people to work together for something greater than themselves.
The outward structure may have changed. The eternal principles have not.
A father still needs to love and nurture his children.
A mother still needs to love and nurture as well.
Both can unite in that effort.
they become something greater together.
Walking side by side toward Him, and learning one day at a time how to love each other along the way.
Thank you for taking the time to read and reflect.
🙏🧘♂️💕🤗☮️
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