To Speak Truth with Kindness

There are times when I would like to force someone, for expediency’s sake, to modify their behavior. However, it does not take much reflection to realize that this approach is often met with resistance. Through the wisdom shared in Alcoholics Anonymous, I have learned that there is an easier, softer way. The Big Book states, “We cease fighting anything or anyone—even alcohol.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 84). 

So, how do we change our approach? The answer lies in faith over fear. The Big Book further teaches, “We ask Him, our Higher Power, to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be.” (p. 68). Fear often leads us to speak truth in a harsh way, but faith allows us to embrace gentle honesty.  Don Miguel Ruiz reminds us of the power of our words: 

“Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.”  

Even as children, we are taught the importance of personal responsibility and choice. Dr. Seuss put it simply:  

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.” This journey of change was not one I learned overnight. Through attending meetings and sponsoring others, I have come to understand that progress requires patience. Friedrich Nietzsche expressed it well: “One cannot fly into flying.” Growth happens in stages—first, we stand, then walk, run, climb, and eventually soar. 

Practicing Restraint with Love 

Spiritual growth calls for restraint, not out of fear, but out of love, hope, and charity. Scripture and doctrine guide me in this pursuit: 

• Ephesians 4:29 – “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” 

• Our words should build up, not tear down. 

• Doctrine and Covenants 121:41-42 – “No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile.” 

• True leadership and influence come not from force but through gentleness and love. 

• Ether 12:27 – “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” 

• Weaknesses become strengths when we submit to God's grace. 

Through experience, I have come to understand that speaking truth with kindness is not about avoiding the truth—it is about delivering it with grace, patience, and love. When we surrender our need to control others and instead focus on embodying spiritual principles, we find peace within ourselves and foster real change in those around us. 

May we all learn to speak truth with kindness, practicing restraint not out of fear, but out of love.